Sunday, April 08, 2007

A Story of Deliverance - Part V

As I sat reading Kevin's latest episode of his journey through addiction, the tears streamed down my face. The reaction to this chapter was so much stronger than any of the others thus far. Even though all of it has been difficult to read and re-live and learn about, this one was closer in terms of time and awareness. Please go over and read his first, let him know you've been there, and then come back here. It will make much more sense that way.


We have just come through a tremendously cloudy, dismal, cold, snowy Easter week-end. But, as the old song says, "Back of the clouds, the sun is always shining." This morning the sky was beautiful as I drove to work. The picture above is a depiction of our lives at this time. The only thing that kept us going was the assurance that God was with us and the faith that that the sun was still shining somewhere

It had been an exciting couple of years for Kev. He had been to Mozambique twice on mission trips. He had discovered Africa Nazarene University and asked if it would be possible for him to go there to school. We worked through all of those hoops and got him there in January for spring semester. He wanted to learn Swahili, and had asked around for the best student to tutor him. Friends introduced him to Sema. I'll never forget the day he sent me two pictures of her by e-mail attachment. She was MUCH more than a tutor to him, it was obvious. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of this young Kenyan woman. The semester ended in May and we helped him extend his time in Africa another month. He very reluctantly left Sema there with the plan of marrying her - something we didn't know about at the time and that and would come as a huge shock to us.

Kev had left apartment life behind before he left for Africa, and moved back home for "awhile." Let me assure you that moving into the "dark, musty basement" was his idea. I had re-done his bedroom and told him he could sleep there temporarily, but he was not to do anything to the walls. I guess the decor wasn't to his liking and he chose the dungeon. He made himself a little nest down there with beads hung as a partition and all of his African memorabilia surrounding him.

Darby - what kind of name is Darby? I don't remember ever hearing this name before that fateful day. I am in total amazement as I realize how totally in denial and lack of discernment we were living. How could a person live in our house, albeit the basement, and we be so unaware of what was going on? Kevin and I would stay up late talking, reading some of Angie's beautiful writing, connecting (I thought). I really thought his spiritual life was flourishing after two such amazing mission experiences and meeting a lovely Christian lady that he wanted to marry. Now I am remembering the night he got up on the wrong side of his bed, crashed into the shelf full of beautiful African carved artifacts, and broke them. He said he was walking in his sleep, but perhaps he was under the influence of heroin that night.

The night Kevin relates is the most horrid so far in this journey. Darby was taken to a detox center, as far as we knew. We never did learn if he was charged with anything criminal. Once again, as with Brandon, Kev caught the brunt of the legal system and the other perpetrator seemingly got off. But, in God's system, Kev was eventually going to be the winner, because he had to pay for what he did and learn the very hard way that he couldn't get away with anything forever.

I don't know what "pain" Kev and Darby were trying to ease, but heroin certainly wasn't going to be a solution. We learned that Darby was the son of Kevin's high school assistant principal. Even a guy who worked with high school kids all day long every day didn't have a handle on his kid's behavior. Ironically, just this week I found the journal I was keeping during this period and the notation says that when Darby rang the doorbell that first day (how did he know Kev was home?), he felt safe in going out with Darby because he didn't drink! I don't know if Kev was being straight with me, or if he knew that's what I'd want to hear. It doesn't matter in the long run, because the result was the same.

If you have never received that call from the police, or from your child calling collect for "his one call", praise God in heaven that you haven't. My body retains the feeling I had that next day when I had to go to a courtroom and see what would happen to him that day after he had spent the night in jail. I thought I'd get to see him, to look in his eyes, to hug him. Instead, everyone in that room sat and waited to see their loved one shown on a t.v. screen by video feed (very poorly done) from the detention center, in shackles, wearing an orange jumpsuit and flipflops. What devastation! I can remember just sinking into my chest and sobbing. How had this happened? In spite of it all, I still believed in his innocence and that he was just trying to protect Darby that night and save his life. And to save Darby from arrest by sticking the drugs in his car. I was so very naive.

Maybe we shouldn't have, but we bailed him out (he did repay us eventually), hired a lawyer, and headed into an abyss that would take a long time and a lot of money to dig out of. The attorney was from New York and was hardened by crime and criminals. He didn't give Kevin a chance of succeeding, staying clean, paying his debt to society. Kevin was determined to prove him wrong.



Diane J. said...

I can't even begin to imagine what you went through during this time, Dawn. Thank God that Kevin was arrested, as harsh as that sounds.

Some dear friends of mine are raising their 2 year-old grandson. They had to go to court to get custody of him because their son and his wife were neglecting the baby. Drugs, of course. For a long time they didn't even know where their son was, but recently after praying for God to make a way for them to know his whereabouts, they learned that he is in prison. For drugs again.

But as his Mom said, at least they know where he is, that he's getting 3 meals a day and that his needs are being met. That's more than they knew while he was missing.

Looking forward to the next part, Dawn.

Judith said...

I was winding down from the busy weekend by checking blog sites, and my God, I'm so thankful Kevin got caught as soon as he did, for his own sake. The drugs and the firearm part nearly scared me to death. But at least he tried to keep his friend alive. I'm hoping the next part of this is his rehab starting.

How hard this must have been for you, something only God can fix. I didn't realize relatives close to me could be using drugs, and I'd not even know it. Thank you for putting it all in front of us. (I'll thank Kevin too). I'm sure people reading this will be helped by it. Please pray for my family, as I will for yours.

Barb said...

Boy, I'm not sure who my mom Judith) is talking about in our family so that's a little troubling.

I can only imagine how you felt sitting in that courtroom. But I agree with Diane and Mom that it's a blessing he was caught. Who knows what might have happened had he not been.

I can't help but wonder what's become of Darby.

Tammy said...

This must have been such a harrowing journey for you and your well as your son. I'm so glad that the "sun is always shining behind the clouds" as you said in your last post!

Nancy said...


You have been through sooooo, sooooo much! But you survived, with God's help. Now when all of your readers get to the end of their rope, they can remember that YOU survived and they can too, if they just hang in there! Your story is a blessing to all of us. Thank you for sharing.

Lala's world said...

wow what a story I can't imagine what that must have been like! so glad you are continuing to share with us this journey of yours!
be blessed my friend!

Jungle Mom said...

This is all very intense. it may not be easy for you to share but it is needed.

Diane said...


I understand your pain.....and can really relate to how it triggers it way back into our hearts. Yes, there is not fairness or justice when it comes to drugs. How can there be any order in the midst of chaos?

Kevin's miracle becomes all the more miraculous when reading about his journey. He is doing a mighty work here! And so are you. God can enter chaos and bring order! He has done that in your the heart of Kevin...and Sema. For that...we must PRAISE HIM!!!!!

Yes, we live in a fallen world...but we are loved by a risen Savior. What grace! What mercy! What love!


Maine Mom said...

I can only imagine what you went through the day you received the phone call and the day in court. I'm sure many tears were shed :-(

groovyoldlady said...

I'm on the verge of tears. I am SO glad that with all his foolish decisions, Bonehead hasn't (as far as we know) delved into the drugs.

I actually CAN imagine what you felt!

PEA said...

I've just read Kevin's I said to him, my heart goes out to him and his family for what you all went through.

My mom lived that nightmare, of getting a phone call and having the police come to her door. My oldest brother had been arrested for trafficking marijuana and she had to go through the whole court thing. He was eventually given 3 years jail time...I remember going to visit him in jail when I was 14 years old. The prison he was sent to was quite far from here so we only got to make the trip once to see him. To this day I'll never forget that day!!

I thank God I never had to go through anything like that with my own boys!!

Hugs xoxo

Linda said...

Oh Dawn, it must be so difficult to relive all of this. Please don't feel guilty for one minute. I think we all want to believe the best of our children. We just can't imagine this sort of trouble. I always think - there but for the grace of God... I keep thinking as I'm reading how much you and the Lord love Kevin. He never for one minute let go of his hand.
You are both being so transparent in all of this. We each of us have been in a dark place of one kind or another. It is encouraging to see God's grace in your lives.
Thank you Dawn.

Looney Mom said...

I need to go catch up! I've been really scarce I guess; I didn't just how much! Wow!

Linds said...

Dawn, this must be both harrowing and cathartic for you to write, but ultimaztely, it is such a story of triumph, and I am so in awe of your strength and faith. You and Kevin are wonderful to share it with us.
I am also looking forward to the next part.

It's a FLIP-FLOP World said...

Dawn, I wanted to answer your question about the flowers here before I forget. Here in Savannah they are not looking as good as usual but you are going further South so I am sure things will look great for you. Thanks for stopping by..sandy

Michelle (wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, and striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman) said...

I wasn't going to post until I got the end, but my heart jumped in my throat as you relayed the court scene. Earlier this year, in front of my eyes, my 15 year old walked into court in that orange jumpsuit, sandals, and shackles. We were there with three other sets of parents we barely knew (our son had two completely different set of set we knew and another we didn't), and they were also watching that horrific scene of their boys. All four boys went to Christian school together...can you imagine?! The lawyer fees began to spiral out of control, along with our hearts and heads. We are still in the middle of our journey, though we are hopeful. I can't wait to read the rest of your story. Thank you for pointing me to your blog.
Blessings to you and Kevin, and thank you for sharing your story. It is making an incredible impact on me, as my eyes are being opened to my naivete as well.
God bless,