Tips and Tricks - Keeping your marriage alive: Whether you've been married for 38 years, 8 years or are a newlywed, you've probably picked up a few keys to a happy marriage, one which is nurturing and continues to grow. Maybe your marriage has struggled, but you've found a road back to each other and have insights to offer those in a similar situation.
- Enjoy every minute of the good times.
Last evening our pastor brought a message from Matthew 12. This verse struck me especially:
35 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.
I know it's out of context, and probably is not what Matthew intended for me to get at all, but I was thinking about it in terms of marriage and family life. When things are going well, we need to store up those memories and lessons. Take lots of pictures. Keep a journal. Tell stories about the good things in your life to your children. You will be glad you have these good memories to go to when you need them.
- Stand together through the bad stuff. . .
because, mark my words, the bad stuff will come! I recall many walks DC and I took when our children were young. We'd talk about families we knew who were going through such hard times. We wondered why we hadn't been hit. It wasn't long before we were! We spent over 10 years wondering what in the world had hit us. We didn't really ask "Why us?" because we remembered how fortunate we had felt before. We knew we lived in a fallen world. We knew we had done everything we could do to raise the kids in the Lord. But Satan had a great time trying to destroy our family. He tried to convince us that we were unworthy parents. But God never let us go. He never will. (If you're new here, check out the stories on my sidebar "A Story of Deliverance" and "Journey Through Anorexia).
- Be a team.
There are so many times I recall that one of us was really down, but the other one was okay. We were able to help each other up, and not drag each other down. It is so important to have common goals for your life together. DC was attracted to me because of my independence. There have been times when that independence has been a bit too much for him, but he remembers that's why he liked me to begin with. I loved his gentle nature, his sweetness. We have both changed over the years (I'm still independent, and he's still sweet!), but we remember why we "fell in love" to begin with.
I love this quote from Earlene Fowler, one of my very favorite authors, from her book, Irish Chain. She was looking back at her life as she sat in the office of one of her college professors from years ago: "Everything seemed so certain then. We knew exactly how we felt about things, where we were going, how we would get there. Our concrete plans reminded me of the mosaics created by . . . artists . . . bits and pieces of stone and glass laid out just so - the scene becoming clearer as you stood further and further back. Except our lives weren't really like those mosaics, whose pieces, once the artist placed them, could be cemented permanently into place. Looking back, I realize now we were more like kaleidoscopes - our designs twisting this way and that, unpredictable as clouds, changing sometimes for the better, sometimes not, but always open to that unexpected color combination we'd never think of on our own."
I know God has had a plan for everything that has happened to us so far, and for everything that will happen in the future. We just need to fit ourselves into His will.
20 comments:
Keeping a journal for the 2 of you is an excellent idea... we spent hours on our chidlren's baby books but often forget to capture the memories we create as a couple throughout the eyars!
sorry for my typos :)
I think too many couples pour their heart and soul into planning the wedding, then just stop working afterwards! Marriage doesn't take luck. Marriage takes work if you want it to survive. You're so right about not knowing what life with throw at you! Nice post!
I could feel your heartbeat in what you posted. This is very personal, I know, and I'm glad you shared your perspective in the way that you did. We do know that the "stuff" will hit us in life, but to be able to come through those things together is an amazing accomplishment.
I love that Fowler quote. So true.
Very wise words from someone who is qualified to say them! Congrats on 35 years, and go for Kona!
Families are so important. I believe that's why Satan tries he's hardest to destroy them.
I love your idea about keeping a journal for the two of you.
Preserving all those memories is an excellent idea! Blogging is a great way to gather them in one place to preserve them!
An anniversary in Hawaii sounds great!
xo
Wow, great insight! That quote is wonderful picture of a marriage as well as life.
Side note: My mom almost died from anorexia/bulemia, so I'm looking forward to coming back and reading your journey.
thank you 4 sharing ;o]
You brought out a great point-when things are going swimmingly, its easy to think you are immune. Perhaps we all get naive sometimes that its all going to be cake. Thanks for a very wise & well written post!
That was an absolutley wonderful post Dawn because it is so full of truth and wisdom and love. At the very core of all you've said is your deep abiding faith.
I think someone should gather all these posts up and put them together somewhere where young women can read them. So much wisdom.
What wonderful comments...and so true. Thanks for sharing that, Dawn!
Great post Dawn. One reason I started blogging was to make a journal of our day to day life so that our grand kids can read it later on in their lives and maybe learn a thing or two from our lives. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful post with all of us!
My blog is still down but hopefully will be back up soon.
Wise words indeed, Dawn. This is a beautiful post. This sort of writing is so invaluable, and the young ones reading can learn so much. I wish we had had the same sort of forum back in the old days.
I'm so happy for you that your marriage has worked all these years and that you've both been able to overcome so many obstacles along the way. I've been married 31 years this past June but unfortunately the last 6 years we've been "separated" but still sharing the house. We're friends and respect each other but that's all that's left. xox
35 years! That's wonderful! I love that quote at the end. I agree. I need to work on a journal for us. I keep wanting to but have yet to. Thanks for the great words of wisdom. :)
Great advice! My husband and I are both down right now for different personal reasons which is hard, but I know we'll get through it. It's nice to have a date night each week to look forward to. :-)
wonderful advice!...and I do hope you make it to Hawaii for the anniversary...we are shooting for Italy for our 35th but we have a couple of years to save up for that..:) We're at 31 right now..and you are so right, the hard times will come...it rains on the just and the unjust alike and no one escapes the hard times....it is so necessary to remember the good times,,,the times we know we heard and followed the Lord, the times we felt blessed and whole...He is good and faithful and will never leave us..but it sure seems like He's not listening some days...and nothing emphasizes that like trouble with your kids...it is then that we must rely on the bedrock assurance that God brought us together, He helped us raise our kids and He is faithful to keep that which we have committed to Him...well I think I'd better hush..I'm preachin'...lol...but thanks for sharing.
And the billboard said: "Loved the wedding, now invite me into the marriage."
Gotta believe it!
Wonderful! Standing together through the tough times si so important!! Thank you for your sharing your heart. I understand the "why us?" question as we walked through some very difficult times with our oldest son. God bless...
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